9 Day

How do u actually construct people...understand..or even figuring out them...
What's in a friend anyway...how do I become a friend to someone without feeling the sympathy..I dont feel the sympathy but what I felt was an odd form of friendship..secretive friendship none of any other person around us know about it...
I just accept it as a mature adult as he was saying it...
yeah..I hate to question about something that doesnt really relate to directly...I accept it as it is...
To be acting as an adult is making everyone understand, hope or answer not leaving them in question whether to wait, or to let go..

8 Day - Some Friends

Yesterday's been ok..
remember the friend that I assume that wanna end our friendship...
Y'know what he's trying to do...Huh...
He said he wants me to live on my own...
I was like what? Since when I depend on him..we just establish the friendship thingy for about less then a month..then he end it...
actually he said that I assume that he want an end to the friendship thingy..
Huh? Assume I thought it was clear of what he did.
He said after this you delete my phone number k...
what's that suppose to mean? I hav to memorize his phone number?
then he thought I was matured then to think of it as to end the friendship...
Huh?
I was matured enough to take it as to end the friendship. Look, it was obvious. and then I was taking it maturely by acting it was ok and nothing happen...
Guess why he asked me to del his phone no..because I always call at unreasonable hours and he dont want my boyfriend to suspect anything...Suspect what? He wasnt someone special to begin with..just a friend to lend ears..duh? and Unreasonable hours? He called me at unreasonable hours.and I know he's not a sleep during that time.he's insomnia..I was like huh? I didnt respond coz...for what? to win him over.yeah right..I hav my own EGO k...let him be in his own world.He also assume that I hav the same wavelength as he is...
Please he offered me a friendship and he end it and he blame it on me for misunderstanding...I was like...what ever...
We had heart to heart..then it almost settle..then I accept it and was accepting like a "whatever"..I dont want to give hopes anymore..coz later I'll be heart broken...I hav to seal my heart now...dont open it to just everyone...
Heart broken? Yeah right...LOL..
And yesterday...we talk in the car...he said he's been trying to tell me something...said what weve been doing before this was a mistake and shouldnt be doing...he hav a girlfriend and he love her.yada..yada..yada..heard it all..did I said I expect anything from him? Did he expect anything from me? I dont...and I think he dont too..come on he loves his girlfriend...then we sort of seal it...thumb seal it...whatever...I'm not hoping. is friendship u wanna giv me i accept it...if he just want me to be someone that he knows at this time and at this place...let it be..I accept it either...I dont have hope in him...and also I said...I can be the bestest friend a friend could ever had but no one could be the best friend of me..also..He pick the best time to talk to me...in the car while I was driving....I could get the important things...I could hear him..but listening??
Look I dont care...come on...he thinks too much and worried too much...and plus...PREDICTABLE...
Am i being the typical girl who burst out?
Is this a bursting out?

7 Day

Love..Lurve..Luv...
It was pronounced sort of different but basically it means the same...
Crazy in love...LOL
Yeah its particularly true...
What about from what me friends say..."Chill Out" was kinda actually the word..LOL...
NO string attach...

6 Day

I forgot to include another thing....
There's a quote...
You always says that U don't want to do this and that...actually what do you want..
YOU DON"T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT...
Hope you don't fall while you're searching for what you want...
Hav to start thinking before I fall....

5 Day

So much of a metaphor..that's how it spells right..LOL
I lost a potential friend that I could pour my heart out without any attachment, commitment, no heart breaking, no judgement, no nothing....no barrier....just somebody that knows everything...looks through at me..knows what I'm really like...but the friend just end it like that??
I did something wrong?
He felt guilty to his girlfriend? Don't tell nobody'll get hurt right...
I have a boyfriend...Don't tell..
Something he don't know could not hurt him..
RIGHT???
My boyfriend is not someone I could pour my heart out...He'll judge...
Ask me to do this and that...this is wrong..this is right....
I'm an adult I know what's wrong or right...I know whether it's wrong or right..either of it sometimes I'll do it and some other time I don't do it...
It's up to you if u wanna decide..right..
And I hate HUMAN judges...People judge other people..y don't they judge themselves...
I'm people...I do judge people..BUT i don't go and treat them like how I judge them..They hav their own reason...with the exclusion of people judging me and messing up with me...they are going to get a piece of me....K...LOL
I need a companion...I stay with my boyfriend coz I could depend on him in the commitment thingy...he's the commitment type of person...hard to find nowadays...So I'm keeping him..
I also said that..he started this relationship and if anyone going to end it..its him..
So everything would be going back to him...kinda like making him feel guilty or something like that....am I cruel...
Now downloading Heroes S02E10....
Just finished watching the latest episode of..xoxo...Gossip Girl..
If I were to gossip i'd be the xoxo Gossip Girl...LOL
it was long time a go..I was friend with both of the good and evil...I almost know everything that's been going around the school..the campus...
BUT..nobody knows what's going on with me...
I'm like the big talk....but sometime probably empty...focus on the word sometime k..
I'm always full...LOL..
What's in common between sperm and mayonnaise...
I thought it was the taste...LOL
It's Ladies Choice...FUNNY huh...
I'm into britpop and fantasies drama and film...I like to imagine...I prefer the best of what I like...Top 40 of a place but not everyone in my crowd..be the odd one...
I'm most remember for she's the weird one and sometimes and most of the time crazy...and probably the cute big sister....LOL
Into Buffy, Angel, Spike, Peter Petrelli, Hiro Nakamura..etc..not teenage Clark Kent..
The backstabbing elite world of Gossip Girl...Chuck and Blair...
I could make my own drama..be the Malaysia Drama queen..I'd name my drama...
Am33self....looks like a rockbands name huh...
In my school years...when I was in primary school...
I was this quiet girl sitting at the corner and look at the paintings..eh...blackboard...the school were using chalk and duster...main language was english and malay..seldom use mandrin and tamil...Elite school I suppose..i wish...Then I moved to another state...become unquiet...to of the class at that moment...then land slide during the final exam...too much peer pressure... yeah right....i dont know what happen..but it did....Did I hav a boyfriend?....probabaly not...but there're a few guys..but not interested..probably not cute enough...then moved to another side of the state...and happen to be cute i think..got discover by this dude...not particularly hansome but ok...not for the future though...
there's a story behind it actually...It nearly there were this competition to make your class look good thingy then since my class was on the afternoon session I hav to arrange a meeting with the morning session class...so...later k...

4 Day

Focus...*sigh
Forget Other Commitment Until Success
Do I want to be success?
Does anybody ask me that?
Everybody assume that I want to be success.
Ok..ok..I want to be success.
Really..really want to be success.
Today I just said to someone that I'm sick of trying to please everyone.
And someone reply please yourself then u can relax pleasing everyone.
Huh??..or just a *sigh..
And today i just lost a friend. Lost it or friend just went away. Really went away.
"OK. after this you just delete my no k."
That's lost right?
*sigh
Just find a new one.
What do I need actually?
Hope?
What's a hope?
*sigh
I thought I saw a light in my dark valley.
But when I go nearer it was only a candle next to a fan.
When I arrive to take the candle the fan blew it away.
Why did I even go to the candle anyway.
I know that candle won't last.
I thought I saw hope and something that is actually knew I exist and know that I am lost.
But then its just illusions.
How can someone could give up a friend?
Someone gives me hope.
I NEED HOPE..
Someone just give up on me.

3 Day

Its been long since I updated this blog.
*sigh..
A lot had happen in this few days.
Cheated, lies, used...
Probably me that cheats. But in my heart its innocent. Sometime things are better left unsaid. So everyone can live happily ever after..*sigh..
Other person lied. Promise me a small room to shout at but its actually not a small room. I did not receive a room even a space for me to shout out. How do I trust this other person. Why giving someone hope but denying it in the end. Is it apologies that I look forward to. Or just a small room the been offered to me. Said that you have to know who to talk to. Scared I found the wrong person to talk to. I always misjudge people. No..no..not misjudge people. Listen to people more than to myself. If I listen to myself more I wouldnt hav misjudge people. *sigh..
What's done is done. No meaning of turning back time..
I just feel being used and sometime used otehr people for my own interest. I don't know..*sigh
Soooooo many issues......
*sigh....

2 Day

Hey 'all..
*sigh
Why there's a barrier in friendship. We were born as i but we live in search of a you, him, her and them. y can't we be open to discuss everything. y is everything hav to be filtered down before telling our so call friend

1 Day

Yesterday i told some one almost everything 'bout me self.
I can't really make it up to tell everythng...
coz later it will just back fire me right..
Yesterday is it? Nah not really yesterday. Just one of those day.
Come to the right sense of mind, and to think about it doesnt change the situation that the problem is there right.
Problem that's not for us to be solve is something that we should learn how to cope.
How to cope with problem, eh?
Some people did some stupid things in order for them to cope with their problem.
Hurting themselves. Thinking that the problem could just go away when the wounds heals.
But does it really go away?
It doesnt go away because the problem is not for us. It's someone else's problem. Just that the problem involving person that we love and it causes by someone that we love too. Stuck between a big rock and a high rise wall.
How to cope with the problem, eh?
Seeing things in a positive way. Taking things in a positive way. How do we know what is positive and what is not positive (negative eh..LOL)
Friends? Do we really needs them?
At times yes. But all the time? I don't know. 

Imelda Marco

I learnt about this name from episode one of Kami originally from 8tv.